Ray is fucking wrong.

Let me preface this by saying that I won't ever use words like "blogosphere," or pretend that my opinion is in some way fresh, exciting, or relevant to anyone who does not know me personally. I am creating this 'blog' (what a faggy word) in order to actively fuck with my friends who also have 'blogs.' I believe the practice of famous 'bloggers' linking to each other's entries in order to create some false sense of traffic is both pathetic and impotent, in the grand scheme of things. Actually, in the fucking small scheme of things too.

But anyway, my first entry is in response to Razzle's entry. And also, it will involve Ed's entry. So, that's the required reading for this course.

First, I have to call Ray out on saying that Tucker Max is in some way exaggerating. Don't worry, I'm not a fanboy, I'll cover my own problems with the Tucker phenomenon later. I've never once read a Tucker Max story and said "wow, he is great at making things up." And yet, it seems, that this IS the first reaction many have to his stories. You can browse his forum if you want proof that many people simply will not, or cannot, believe that he leads this sort of life.

I don't understand this at all, because I know for a fact that I have stories just as crazy as his. I do not have as wide a selection as Max, but between the girl shitting my bed and the goth girl trying to fuck me in a graveyard, and then biting my lip and drinking the blood- well, I've seen my share of quirky evenings. I suppose I thought any college-age American would have had similar experiences. In fact, Max says this all the time-- how many times have you found yourself in a bizarre situation? The difference is he wrote his down and crafted them into a well paced story. The only fabrications I can easily see are condensed time frames, and cutting out excess information that would interfere with the pacing. I mean, really, cut through his story-telling and actually boil the story-arcs down: He fucked a girl in the ass, it got messy, she left.

That's really it. You're telling me you've NEVER had a similar experience? Obviously the bitch is in the details, but really, I have to agree with him. He's never done anything in these stories that I cannot imagine doing myself, if I were presented with the opportunity. A thought struck me the other night as I was preparing to drink at Ray's- since I seem to be among the few who buy these stories, does that mean I am, actually, among the few who can imagine it happening to themselves?

So I told Ray a story. I believe it might have been an extension of the Cemetery saga, or the Bed Shitter story. And he said- "Dude, how come you always have these stories?" So, has my friend thrown me into the same Bullshit Artist category he seems to have Max in? It would be a blow to my self image if I thought one of my friends found me to be a dishonest person. I don't bother telling stories unless they really happened, because I have an enormous problem with liars.

I mean, for fuck's sake, I have the word VERITAS tattooed to my chest. I am a firm believer in the truth. This is where Ed's entry comes into play. I am with the third movement. I do not lie unless it is to save my life or someone else's. If someone said "Hey, how many girls have you slept with?" they would get the honest answer, no matter who they were. But if a group of bikers comes up to me swinging chains and pulling out switchblades, and says "Are you that faggot Andyconda?" I'll probably point them in a direction other than my own, obviously.

However the problem with Ed's approach, and the reason he will be labelled as an asshole, is a lack of tact when telling the truth. When a girl asks if she looks bad in a pair of pants, and she does, saying "Yes you look fucking ugly" would be the truth. And you'd be an asshole for telling her the truth in that way. There is obviously a more tactful way of letting her down- Well, sweetheart, I just don't think it's your style. But I like when you wear ______.

See? You told the truth, but you are also NOT an asshole.

Back to Tucker Max. My problem with him and his fans certainly is not within the veracity of his stories. Rather, I have to find a problem with the worship being thrown at him, which he seems to both encourage and discourage at his own whim. I hate the fact that, browsing his forum, you can find people who continuously ake reference to some deeper meaning of his work, and how only the intelligent can truly understand him. Excuse me? Like I said, I won't insult his ability to tell a story. I have never once been bored while reading his material, I laugh often, and I love the stories. I bought his book, I gave a few away as gifts, and I'll do the same with his next volume of tales. Should his TV show go through, I'll be a regular viewer.

But deeper meaning? Guys, these are glorified fart-and-fuck jokes of the most basic kind. There is no carefully crafted meaning here, and there CAN'T be, because, as he says-- they are true stories. I have never heard of someone who's personal life had been carefully constructed of double meanings, symbolism, and metaphor. What message can you possibly gain from Max's writing? To thine own self be true? Please, that is the most basic message of any piece of literature. I have a copy of King Bidgood's In The Bathtub up in my closet with the same exact message. It is neither profound, nor remotely new.

Also, why the fuck is he always using the word Hubris? using the word is, in itself, an immense act of hubris. Last I heard, this word was applied to the likes of kings and warriors from ancient epics. Odysseus didn't write about fucking whores and drinking absinthe, he sailed around slaughtering the enemy, killing dragons, blinding the cyclops, etc. Please start using the word arrogance from now on, you fucking idiot.