In Regards to Failure...

So I went snowboarding with Ed, Ray, Brooks, and their friend Chris (who has some sick tattoos). The trip has been referenced by both Ray and Ed in their respective blogs, so I won't give more than a brief synopsis- We went snowboarding, it was my first time, I fell down a lot, got frustrated, and went down the mountain on my feet instead of my board. We then went and got some good dinner at a restaurant which is now extinct. If I was feeling poetic I would discuss that portion of the trip further with references to permanence of memory and mortality...but I'm not feeling that way.

So: 1) I don't feel that I was being a "bitch" for going down the mountain after my first run (essentially I gave up).
2)I also don't feel that I wasted my money.


1) The boots and board were both phenomenally heavy and sluggish. Being a smaller framed person I was having trouble moving them around, and getting back up after many many falls was very tiring. By the time we had started my second run, I was physically exhausted, which only added to my frustration.

I get very easily frustrated when I do not succeed at something. That is not to say I am terribly immature, or a sore loser, it's simply a part of my personality that I have always had. I am not naive enough to have thought "I am going to be the best snowboarder in the world on my very first try!" On the contrary: I was, as a whole, doing better than I actually expected to. However, falling down so often, and having such a hard time muscling the fucking board around was making me very irritated.

What made that even worse was having so many people around-- Were I failing on my own, or in a class of all beginners, I would have been able to take the spills much easier. Ray is a very good, very patient teacher so I did not feel pressure from him. However, I knew that I was slowing him down and taking away some of the fun of his first trip to the mountain this year. That made it worse (in my own head) and ultimately, I had gotten what I needed to out of the experience. Which leads to number 2...

2) Ray said he would have gotten more runs, if only because he had paid 50 dollars. I guess I don't view money the same as most people.

In my frustrated state, I was angry enough to quit. Not because I did not think I could not improve, or finally get the hang of it, but simply because I was not in the state of mind to learn or to have fun. To me, stopping was the only option- so I did stop.

However, looking back on it I had fun. That is, in my own mind, the experience was worthwhile and I do not look back on it in the same state of mind I had back then, on the mountain. As far as I'm concerned, I tried something new with my friends, saw some nice scenery, and had a satisfyingly battered body afterwards. That was worth the price to me.